


Overwhelmed

by Diary



Category: London Spy
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Established Danny Holt/Alex Turner, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, Love, Male Friendship, POV Alex Turner, POV Male Character, POV Queer Character, Romance, Season/Series 01, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 21:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11975010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: He can handle this. Complete.





	Overwhelmed

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own London Spy.

Danny’s too messy to be a spy.

He’s aware, if Danny knew about his job and his former suspicions toward Danny, Danny would likely take exception to the fact it’s his messiness rather than his character that Alex uses to discard him as a potential trap.

Alex has seen people be so sincere, part of him found himself believing it, despite knowing better. He knows it’s effortless for such people to put just enough details, never too much, in the persona they’re presenting to make even a suspicious person unable to find any glaring inconstancies, and he knows such people can do this for years, if necessary.

Such people must safeguard certain things, and they must be able to remove certain physical things at a second’s notice.

Danny will toss his keys into Sara’s shoes, and then, in the morning, run around tearing up his DVD collection and bookshelf trying to find them. He’ll stare helplessly at two laundry baskets and force everyone in the flat to sniff items from both in an effort to determine which contains the clean and which contains the ones needing to be washed. If a mobile rings, he’ll answer it, regardless of whether it’s his or not, and it’s been made clear, if his rings and he’s not around, he expects someone to answer it for him.

He is surprisingly good at reciting messages verbatim, but this is just part of him paying close attention to people.

Alex sometimes forgets there are perceptive individuals who aren’t affiliated with any government agencies.

Having determined Danny isn’t a trap, Alex sometimes finds himself almost begging, ‘Please, stop causing such sensations. They’re too much.’

He’d known he wasn’t anywhere near prepared the first time they had sex, but- He’d felt nerve endings he’d never felt before responding, everything was heightened to an almost scary degree, and when it was over, there was a warm, almost thrumming mindlessness settling over him. All he’d wanted was for Danny to never stop touching him with the gentle hands through his hair and aimless stroking of various places on his body.

If this had been where it ended, it would have hurt terribly, but he would have managed.

Danny tells him intimate details with something close to approaching thoughtlessness. Danny listens with soft interest in his eyes when he talks about anything and looks happier than normal when he shares anything truly personal.

He’d thought sleeping in the same bed with another person might be uncomfortable or, at least, hard to adjust to, but he loves the feel of Danny beside him. If he wakes up at night, he can feel himself smiling when he takes in the scent, feel, and vague sight of Danny right there. Even on nights when he can’t sleep, he’ll often take in the feeling of Danny pressed against him, listen to his soft breathing, and feel at peace rather the antsyness his insomnia used to bring.

It’s gotten better. He can go days, now, without all the sensations of happiness threatening to bubble over inside. The urge to ask what makes him so special to deserve Danny’s affection and the questions of how Danny could possibly feel so deeply for him are getting fewer.

There are occasions, however, he finds himself thinking, ‘Don’t fall in love with me.’

He can handle being in love. The fact it’s unlikely to not end badly is one he always tries to push aside out of respect for Danny’s more optimistic, romantic outlook.

No book taught him this. He doesn’t need to compare what he feels to what he’s heard people in love describe.

He loves Danny more than anyone and anything, wants to grow old and die with him, and never wants to touch any other person or sleep in anyone else’s bed, not even the one he has at his own flat.

He can handle this.

But if Danny ever feels the same- A person can only be so happy and contented, he’s sure. Just as too much loneliness, anger, and/or stress causes negative physiological problems, surely, too much euphoria or too deep of serene contentedness can cause irreversible physical issues, too.      


End file.
